Research has estimated that couples in troubled relationships wait an average of 6 years from the time a difficulty is first noticed until they actually seek professional help. When these couples do seek help, it is often too late. An estimated 55% of all first marriages end in divorce. In today's world of high stress, careers, mothering & fathering, and juggling multiple activities marriages suffer. We can easily take our partner for granted, project unresolved childhood emotions such as anger and blame onto our partner, expect our partner to change and be the way we want, and simply not put quality time into our relationships. We may also chronically feel unhappy, empty or lonely in our marriages. What we are doing is re-creating the same patterns in our love relationship that we grew up with in our families.
Our parents provide us with a template for love and we carry this template into all our love relationships. If love meant getting hurt that is included. If love meant being kind that is included. In other words the positive experiences we witnessed or experienced and the negative both make up our personal template. Throughout our lives we unconsciously find people who are a perfect match to us so we can continue this way of loving.
We can provide the tools people in relationships need to counteract the trends cited above. Counseling is especially needed when children are part of the family. We provide you with interventions that are cutting edge and represent the latest thinking on how to help couples navigate their way through existing problems and create happy lives together.
Couples Work
An easy way to understand our work is to think of your relationship as needing two basic things. The first is a nurturing and intimate friendship, a deep knowledge and appreciation for who the other really is. The second is a way of communicating that is respectful and avoids common relationship-destroying patterns. Becoming overly critical, defensive, contemptuous, or avoidant of your partner are known relationship destroying patterns that will prevent you from giving or receiving love. We help you build the skills necessary to successfully master these two areas.
If people have a history of childhood trauma, it is important to understand how those events might still be impacting your love relationships. When we live in a family with chronic mistreatment, we quickly learn to normalize these attitudes and behaviors to defend against psychic pain. Unfortunately without healing, we are at risk to continually be triggered by our partner's behaviors or words.
Therapy works!
Marriages can be saved if both people are willing to commit to the therapy process. It is important to get professional help as soon as you feel or notice difficulties. The sooner you act the better the outcome. Loving relationships are possible as many couples we have helped in the past can attest. Therapy strengthens the positive relationship skills you already possess while identifying and removing negative patterns of relating to each other. These things CAN be learned.
Our initial consultation session is 75 minutes and ideally involves both of you. If there exists circumstances in which only one person can come in for counseling, we do work with you. In the first session, we meet to listen to your concerns, discuss what you want from therapy, and give you our best ideas on how to create what you want.
We can help you with:
- Attracting love into your life
- Authentically "seeing" your partner
- Creating successful and happy relationships
- Discovering what you want in a relationship
- Ending patterns of abuse and mistreatment
- Falling in Love again
- Strengthening and re-building your relationship
- Marriage & couples counseling
- Pre-marital counseling
- Family therapy